The NYPD wants public's help in catching a book thief who allegedly stole two ancient books from the Upper East Side's PRPH Rare Books back in April.

According to the NYPD, a bald man carrying a briefcase and wearing a gray dress shirt, red pants and black shoes, walked into PRPH on April 16th at about 3:00 p.m., put two books sitting on a shelf in his briefcase and walked out of the store with them. Together, the books are valued at $20,000.

Now, I'm no literature expert nor am I an expert on the occult, but the book cover and the page from one of the books that the NYPD shared certainly make the books seem like they could be somehow connected to the occult. Add to that fact that the man has a sinister air about him and that Donald Trump began consolidating his power in late April, and it becomes clear that the NYPD is dealing with some kind of high-level Aleister Crowley-type shoplifter. Wait, IS that Aleister Crowley?

Aleister Crowley, seen in 1912, exactly 104 years before robbing

I called PRPH to see if they could tell me what books were stolen, but after the phone rang and rang, I was greeted by a screeching, metallic voice that I believe the ancient ones called "a telephone modem." I, for one, hope this man is caught soon, so we avoid whatever Lovecraftian horror he's trying to raise from the deep.